Sunday, December 19, 2010

F-FACTOR Unleashed.............!!!


BAIL OUT PACKAGES By IBK



Sup man, how have you been?

I dey alright my guy, I just dey like dele and dey chill like chidi.


What are you doing with all this books and documents? You get exams?

No, am off to Abuja to see the slim mallam.


Slim mallam?

The guy that believes money can solve all the problems in the various sectors of the nation.


Who be that?

The guy that governs the bank in the center, you know, CEO of the father of all banks.

Ok, ok, I know him now. The man that taught our law makers, lessons on banking during the confirmation of his appointment as the bank’s governor.

Exactly, that is correct.


Ok, so why you wan go see am? You dey find job or contract?

Well, I have a proposal for him.

On wetin?

Bail.


Bail?

Yes, bailout packages.

Abeg expatiate, elucidate and enumerate what u mean.

Well, he gave out N420 billion as bailout packages to 5 banks, N130 billion to small and medium enterprises, N500 billion for the power sector and N150 billion for the manufacturing sector.

Yes, those were policies meant to kick start the those sectors of the economy and turn things around for good.

Exactly my point, since what is good for the geese is also good for the chickens, pigeons and turkey.

I no understand you o.

Well, I want to propose he also give bailout packages to every other sectors of the nation.

Hmm, like how?

Ok, since the current economic crisis is a global one, that is to say, it affects everyone, no one is excluded, thus in view of the current economic bailout efforts by the slim mallam, it only makes sense that if banks and some other sector can get bailed out, why not everybody and every sector?


Everybody ke?

Yes ke, why not, if not? After all, the global crises affect all of us. So why not bailout someone who just gambled and lost N42 Million in Abuja last weekend? You know, gamblers bailout packages for those who lose money at the casino, then margin loan bailout packages for those who lose money in the stock exchange market. To further break it down; What about bailout plan for the woman selling boli and epa on the street? You can call it “poverty bailout package”, then lets also do a Bailout plan for the mechanics, Bailout plan for bank workers that lost their jobs in the tsunami that happened in the banking sector, bailout plan for the students that can’t afford to go to school, Bailout plan for the kidnappers, bailout plan for the militants, bailout plan for the musician that is yet to make a hit, bailout plan for Nollywood stars, script writers, film producers, movie marketers and even the waka pass actors and actresses.

Na true you dey talk o, but what about me wey like to drink shayo and pursue fine fine girls.

Then it is imperative to provide shayo bailout packages, wedding ceremonies bailout packages, child naming ceremony bailout package, and even Aristo runs bailout packages. Then we can also do a bailout plan for super eagles (since they are now supper chickens easily beaten by everybody), bailout plan for drivers caught by lastma officials for taking one way (especially when there is no sign of the road saying it’s a one way street), bailout plan for accidents victims (especially those that were stopped at checkpoints and were now rammed into by trailers), bailout plan for robbery victims (since the law enforcers dey fear to face the armed thieves and are only interested in toll gate takings), bailout plan for teachers going on strike, bailout plan for resident doctors going on strike, yahoo yahoo bailout package and then a bailout plan for ladies of the night aka prostitutes. You get the drift?

But u sure say all this one go possible, since there are some other government agencies that can cater for the needs of some of the people you mentioned.

Well, obviously since the agencies have not done their duty, the agencies also need bailout packages. Even me too, I need a bailout package, yels ke, as a jobless graduate I should get Job hunt bailout package.


Guy, you funny o, but na true yarns be this.

So am off, I go see you when I get back from Abuja.


Ok now, safe journey.

F-FACTOR Unlimited.............!!!


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

SPOIL SPORT : HAND OF GOD by Shawlaa Mossrow




And the Number 10 stood on at the very edge of the rift on the highest peak of the frozen mountain, and there he reached out to the Mighty One.
“Diego...” said the Mighty One, “again you have returned.”
“I need more Sensei,” declared No 10.
“More?” came the disappointed growl, “What about all I have already given you?”
“Sensei, you have blessed me with the deadly art of the quick-foot-and-magnetic-toe.
You have also blessed me with the notorious White-Lotus-Multiple-Leg-over technique. Even also with the ‘kicked-in-foot-holding-my-face-diving technique’. Indeed my movement, field-foresight and kicking-score-ball-break-bone attributes have greatly manifested since I began my training with thee.”
“True. So, why have you returned?”
“To learn the one technique you never taught me...”
“No!” gasped the Mighty One, “not that! It is the most deadly art ever wielded. It has the power to break the heart, subdue the spirit to fight, and annihilate the joy of living from millions and an entire nations in one move. Please, reconsider!”
Lightning, and thunder flashes.
“I have chosen”, said Number 10, “Give me the power!!!”
Fresh cue: a very rough cut of the scene; then a pretentious super-text “Is this the end, or only the beginning?”
Tragically, it was only the beginning.
Flash-forward, it’s the 22nd of June, 1986. We are in the Estadio Azteca, Mexico City. The event – none other than the World Cup itself. No.10, after many a hesitation, for the fear any man will feel in the face of unlimited power, finally finds the courage to employ this most deadly of fatalities. To this day the mushroom cloud of shock, outrage, and the spine-petrifying effect of the sheer cold-cocky-ness of the act as yet to subside. No.10 laid the entire great nation of England to waste. In the stirring that surfaced, a terrified world moved microphones to trembling lips and marveled at this great harbinger of darkness. What? How? From where came this fearsome technique?
"Un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios"
Translated. "A little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God"
The ‘Hand of God’ aka H.O.G was born.





..................concluding part in F-FACTOR Magazine edition 4

BAIL OUT PACKAGES By IBK

Sup man, how have you been?
I dey alright my guy, I just dey like dele and dey chill like chidi.
What are you doing with all this books and documents? You get exams?
No, I’m off to Abuja to see the slim mallam.
Slim mallam?
The guy that believes money can solve all the problems in the various sectors of the nation.
Who be that?
The guy that governs the bank in the center, you know, CEO of the father of all banks.
Ok, ok, I know him now. The man that taught our law makers, lessons on banking during the confirmation of his appointment as the bank’s governor.
Exactly, that is correct.
Ok, so why you wan go see am? You dey find job or contract?
Well, I have a proposal for him.



..............concluding part in F-Factor Edition 4

F-FACTOR MAGAZINE 4TH EDITION......coming soon !!!!







WASH OUT...!!!! oops, i mean, WATCH OUT !!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

WHAT IF............!!!! by Olulu






WHAT WILL DON JAZZY BE? If D Banj is a KOKOLET and Wande Coal is an Orobo to Bad !!!!

I’m Hot…and You are too Gbasky for my liking by Maestro


Both of them are so slim that only their abdominal muscles (or abs for those ladies who go “ooh” when the Rock takes off his clothes) differentiate them from something chewed by a camel in a desert.
One is the king of brainless babes and the other is Lord of the Booze. The stage is set, and we introduce the contestants: D’Banj and Durella.
I love these guys. Vocally, they can be called Siamese twins, since it is only a few connoisseurs of music who can be adept enough to tell the difference in their singing voices. Apart from that, they are almost identical in body conformation, and here’s the biggest secret: their names both start with a capital “D”! Amazing, isn’t it? Seems like brothers from different spermatozoa, not to mention womb.
The “koko’ master comes on stage – wearing the ubiquitous criminal-looking sunglasses, of course – and begins to furiously swivel his hips to the beat. Suddenly, suddenly, he experiences waist pains and stops to remove his belt, all the while intoning: “Do you like the koko…How big is the koko?”
Meanwhile, some very reliable sources say that the Koko is about the approximate size of the eraser on the head of a pencil.
The shayo master, on the other hand, prances onto the stage and you can practically feel your brain take flight as the pounding beat of his song cripples your nervous system.
These two guys are among the best of Nigeria’s party starters, and if them no dey your party, “you know you’re missing”.
For some reason, it took some of us quite a while to see the difference between the Mo’ Hits Kid and the Wiskolo wiska genius. However, we now have new and technologically advanced means of separating the sheep from the goats.
Note: these guys are specialists at creating new words that have no credible meaning (and, hopefully, these words would never enter into any reputable dictionary in the nearest future. Amen).


.................read the continuation by buying the 3rd edition of F-Factor Magazine

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.




HOTLINES
Olumide – 08025070892
Ayo – 07068400846
Dapo – 01-8225481
Joke – 08023711586
Lillian - 07029561959

Law Makers, Money Choppers, Born Fighters by IBK



Guy, how far now?

I’m good o, you nko?


All correct, no long thing. Wetin u dey do wey u serious like this?

I’m trying to make a list of possible godfathers and things I need to become a politician.

Godfather? Politics? Thought you wanted to be a doctor, an accountant or some other respectable professional.

My guy, I now want to be a politician.

But why na? You just finish secondary school, you no wan go university go study?

Exactly, I don’t need a university degree to become a law maker or even the president of this nation. With this my secondary school certificate, I will rule over graduates. Don’t you know politicians especially those that make laws, do nothing and earn millions of Naira? So why slave away as a doctor or an accountant? When as a law maker I will earn basic salary of about N2.48 million, N1.24 million as hardship allowance, N4.97 million as furniture allowance, newspaper allowance of N1.24 million, and many other allowances like that. In short my guy, I will get like N300 million as salary per annum.

Hmm, that’s true o. ok, so wetin be the things you need to do?

Well, one, I need a god father, who has embezzled enough money to finance my campaign. Two, I need to learn how to box or better still, learn how to fight Kun-fu, tear clothes, race to carry the mace and drag people out of the chamber because of the fights that break out every now and then. Then, three, I need a whistle to blow whenever I want to disturb a session and a tear gas canister to spray into any eye that challenges me.

Hmm, seems you have done your home work. But politicians are generally regarded as been corrupt.

I don’t disagree. But you no know say corruption is an Art in this nation, the more corrupt you are, the more attractive you are to people who need you.

Guy, there is an anti graft agency to check and arrest corrupt people o.

Leave that thing, na today? Abeg leave story, everybody that is somebody in this nation has a file in the agency, but as long as you are in bed with the ruling government your file stays in the vault till when you fall out of favour with the ruling government.

You will be setting a bad example for your son o.

Nah, I will name my son “Goodluck” and ensure he is a running mate to a governor and afterwards when the governor goes to jail, he rules in his place. Then next he will be running mate to the president, and going by precedent, he will become the No. 1 man with no votes cast.

Seems you have it all thought out. But as your very own person, where I go feature for your plan?

That one no be problem, you will be in the background managing the many, many companies I will be using to move money into my pocket. Infact, you will even help me use N9 billion to buy jeeps and flat screen televisions for my babes once I become the No. 4 man in government.

What if people oppose you?

That’s easy too, I will be the judge and jury in any of the cases against me and get them suspended for the session.

Correct, you be the man jo, I’m with you all the way.

Good, let’s go thereeeeeeeee………………..!!!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

F-FACTOR Magazine......reality in lighter shades !!!



F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.


HOTLINES
Olu – 08025070892
Ayo – 07068400846
Dapo – 01-8225481
Joke – 08023711586
Lillian - 07029561959

IMPLICATION remix



As they kolonbi our Eagles
As they faasi Enyeama
As they disobey Largerback
We come dey get plenty wahala
As they dribble Kaita
As Yakubu commit the disaster
Just because Kanu dey there,
He follow enter the yawa..
Olele olele o ti dabaru olele...

BUSINESS ANGLE:- MONEY FOR SALE

From: Father of All Banks
To: Foreign Investors, Bigger Financial Institutions and Other interested parties

It’s with pleasure that I bring to your notice, an event like never seen before in Naija, a special occasion and one of a kind bazaar. My people, we have “Money For Sale.”
Last year, I the blue blooded son of Kano held the confirmers of my appointment spellbound in a Banking 101 class during my interview, I the banking wizard was in fallible by all estimation.
I then proceeded to deal with hooligans riding in “Money Warehouses” as “Executive Bandits.” I turned Bankers to Pastors, mothers to prisioners, business men became national publicized debtors, celebrated technocrats became criminals and chief executive became pilots and fugitives. As expected, denials were fast, allegiances quickly changed and business realigned. What choices did they have? Even the great “Erratic Arrest us” could not withstand the heat, he scaled the fence of his home and fled through the border to the U.K (will he go unpunished? Well, that’s a story for another day). I then had funds injected into the banks, put in place quality risk processes, and corporate governance.
What is the next line of action? It’s a bazaar, let’s trade the golden goose along with the egg and let’s trade the money as if it is free for all. The bazaar is now set, there is money for sale and you are invited.
Though the financial institutions are still unstable like NEPA, experience network failure like Nitel and are downsizing as if it’s the fashionable thing to do.
But you can still take a gamble on the golden goose, and you may be lucky to get the golden eggs. So come one, come all, there is money for sale.

Signed
XLX aka Governor of the Father of all Banks.

Friday, July 30, 2010

The Articles in F-Factor Magazine .......Edition 3, coming soon !!!!



DRAGON BREATH
by Dokita Folahan (No fear I be real doctor)

Law Makers, Money Choppers, Born Fighters
By IBK

THE 6.6 BILLION NAIRA PARTY by Jaffa Cakes

Yoruba Made Easy by Don Fabrino

SANE INSANITY!!!
Compiled by Romi and Maestro

I’m Hot…and You are too Gbasky for my liking
By Maestro

HAIR WE GO
by Romi


My Kind of Guy by Lady

and many more...............!!!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

F-Factor Magazine .......Edition 3, coming soon !!!!








F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

WORD-SMITHS by Olulu

It all started on a bright Thursday afternoon, where we got to discover that even in a very busy organization, Gold is to Goldsmiths, as words are to
WORD-SMITHS


From: Debisi-jamez@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: the Company anthem

Hey guys, I came up with an anthem for the company:

we are up with finacle
with our finacle we experience miracle
with finacle there is no obstacle
we be the best among the rest cos we 've got the muscle
no hassle
even in the face of sliding tackle
we are a force with great tentacle
we move with great speed cos we got no shackles on our ankles
we spread around the globe like a sprinkle
even at that we still stick together like a Bundle
oh lah lah lah lahhhh ole kokokokokoko

From: doyin@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: RE: Company anthem

Have u forwarded to corporate affairs? It could be adopted by the company you know.

From: Ronke@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc: olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

SOUNDS CATCHY….

From: Peter @company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: RE: Company anthem

Are you Dagrin now or is it MI? Not a bad idea to send it to Corporate affairs

From: Ronke@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: Olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Subject: FW: Company anthem

I DO HOPE Debisi-jamez WRITES FOR U COS HE’S GOT RHYMING TALENT

From: Olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: Ronke@company.com
Subject: RE: FW: Company anthem

Not asked him officially yet, but rhyming is not hard compared to writing satirically. If he can do satire articles, I would love him for life (ok, maybe love him once per article). But I doubt, he wants to go into music and he’s got dancing skills too, but I will ask him now sha.

From: Olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Sent: Tuesday, May 04, 2010 2:11 PM
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc: Debisi-jamez@company.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

@debisi
F – Factor needs your rhyming skills, kindly send your sample of satire mode of writing, let’s see if u are not a one off rhymer…….!!!! I have attached pages of the 1st edition for you, check and holla back.

From: Debisi-jamez@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc:olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

@olulu
I DON’T NEED TO BLOW
FOR U TO KNW SAY I DEY GROW
ON A NORMAL DAY EVEN IN A ROW
I STILL DEY FLOW
FLYING AWAY TO SAFETY LIKE A CROW
AS THINGS GET CHILLY AS IF IN A SNOW
AIMING TO SLOW MY SPIRIT NOW KEEPING IT LOW
OL’BOY I STILL DEY GLOW
OMO THIS TIME NOT LIKE Glo(pride)
But with HUMILITY TY TY TY TY TY TY OOOOOOOOOOOOYAH
Checking out ur F-FACTOR
The colour day make me wanna be an INTERACTOR
Cos the pages dey shine like the rim of a NAVIGATOR
But I no go allow the VECTOR enter my REACTOR
Picking up offer like a waste COLLECTOR
Until I contact my INVESTIGATOR
Sign out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Ronke@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc:olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

Em… olu… doesn’t look like one wash fits all o…. e sabi rhyme

From: Blue Blood@f-factormagazine.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc:olulu@f-factormagazine.com, Debisi-jamez@company.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

@ debisi, on F Factor
Ur rhymes fit our page
U just dey flow like one old sage
Make talent for no waste, we go pay u minimum wage
We need ur skills, no be by age
F.Factor go be ur best stage
R u game, don’t stay in a cage!

@ Olulu,
He dust u, pls don’t get into a rage!!!

From: Ronke@company.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: RE: Company anthem

Lol…Seems like u all got rhymes….. who else wanna share?

From: Olulu@f-factormagazine.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Cc: debisi-jamez@company.com, ronke@company.com,Blue Blood@f-factormagazine.com
Subject: RE: Company anthem

@ronke and debisi,
Anybody can write,
Not everyone can write right,
Or write tight,
Or write for u to see d light.
It’s not about taking up a pen and writing,
U need to make sure d words got meaning.
Like a samurai to his sword,
So is a writer to words,
If given a chance?
Can he kiss words and make them dance?
It’s not about crowing,
Or blowing.
D words must b able to tease senses.
But still have d right tenses.
I still believe he is a one minute rhymer,
Won’t last as a word-smith all time slayer.

@Blue Blood,
Dust me?
He can’t even reach me.
Na by dat pattern?
Guy, he go just flatten.

From: Blue Blood@f-factormagazine.com
Sent: Thursday May 27, 2010
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: RE: Company anthem
@ debisi
Prove say u no copy and paste
Give Olulu something more to taste
But sha, don’t be in a haste
Take ur time to determine ur fate!

@ Olulu
U sure are loaded up ur sleeves
Save some for F-Factor mag. Please!







STAY TUNED FOR THE 3RD EDITION OF F-FACTOR MAGAZINE FOR THE CONCLUDING PART of WORD SMITHS...........!!!!!!








F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.

WHAT WILL THE MO HITS CREW BE???




IF 2face, Bouqui, Timaya, M.I, and Durella are d Justice League.
and
Ajasa, El Dee, Kel and Banky W are Fantastic 4.


WHAT WILL THE MO HITS CREW BE???

Saturday, July 3, 2010

BUSINESS ANGLE:- Banking deform

From: Big, Stump and unreliable Horse Bank plc, X-perience Piss Bank, and unHappy People Bank PLC

To: The Naija public


As you know, we were recently advanced about N400 billion in bailout money. We understand that you, the taxpayer, want to know where your hard-earned tax money is going. And, in return, we ask you to understand that it is in our interest to withhold this information.
You may wonder: Is the money being spent on corporate pay packet and bonuses? Planning lavish campaigns or to acquire other debts and liabilities? We could answer these questions, but that would take time away from our current “crisis mission” of working out corporate pay packet and bonuses, planning lavish campaigns and acquiring more debts and liabilities.
Then there’s the mistaken notion that there is no process in place to make sure that we use the bailout money wisely. Rest assured that we have assembled a team of banking experts,...............(**plenty words missing, tee hee hee !!!**)




Signed

Arrest-us Akin-gbe-fled
For: Committee of Bailed out Banks





................go buy d 2nd edition of f-factor mag for d concluding part.


F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

WHAT IF............!!!! by Olulu






What If Rugged Man is MAGNETO, and Naeto C is NIGHTCRAWLER,.......who will be WOLVERINE???



Stay tuned for more on, what if....e.g. the members of Justice League, Fantastic Four and u will need to say what will be MO' HITS crew be? :) :)



F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Henry 08029630171 in Yabatech, and Muyiwa 08034607303 in Unilag.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
11. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
12. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science).

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.......


Once bitten twice shy........ohun oju kori, ki nba okan je, oju koro ki npa oju koro je.......i saw u with my 2 naked eyes giving my friend nodding while the door was ajar...................






F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places


1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Henry 08029630171 in Yabatech, and Muyiwa 08034607303 in Unilag.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
11. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
12. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science).

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

WITTY Y A R N S


NAIJA GOT SWAGGER

My name na Olulu
And I no be zulu
Am a true omo naija
That does not smoke ganja.
I no dey try play people for maga,
Yet I still got lot of swagger.
What’s there to be proud of in this nation?
After all we seem to be sinking into a state of depression
Things keep getting complicated,
And important people are the ones being implicated,
Maybe we should all do Andrew and check out,
Or beg Osama bin laden to knock us all out.
Well, We might not be making proper use of the oil money,
Since so very few are the ones enjoying the honey.
But then we have learnt to use our brains,
And things are not all going down the drain,
We’re now getting known for music and comedy,
This serves as our remedy.
Everyday new talents keeping popping up,
And our rep goes a notch up.
We don dey ginger our swagger,
And soon we go become the master.
Even though I no fit use naija do wife,
But I be naija4life.

Football, Boys and me by Duvy


I lay spread on the sofa and struggled hard to pay keen interest to the TV Screen.{You see I had recently concluded one of those books about "rules and tips on how to keep your man"}. One of the suggestions was knowledge of football.
It was the match between Nigeria and Argentina.
My FiancĂ©’s friends were seated around the sitting room feasting on spiced meat and helping themselves to some cans of beer.
At every gasp they let out, I would ask a question hoping to make an impression on the boys as to how much I knew about football. It was of course no success.
Comments "like shoot now," "which kain yakubu be dis?" "Oooh, na off side again? "kai, dis messi sef!" were directed at the TV Screen. While comments like, "is there more beer dear?" "Can we have some more meat?" were directed at me.
I sometimes admire girls like Tega (that presents sports programs) who have an eye for Football and I think to myself: Is there some genetic makeup which I lack? Or do they spend time on the internet googling all they need to know about football? and If so, where on earth do I start from?
I suppose boys and girls are differently wired, even the ad of Heineken says it all.


My lesson: Trying to feel among may land you in trouble, Carve a niche for yourself and lead a class of your own.
Action point: Read more on football..... lol




F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Juvenile Pant-Collector! by Don Fabrino




I really do not understand why people should harass a man that is simply improving on his antecedents!
In 2006, he married a 15-year-old child bride, so why should he not make progress four years later?
He is not just a maker of laws; he has vast knowledge of a variety of laws.


................go buy d 2nd edition of f-factor mag for d concluding part.

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De Cafe beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag, U.I and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

F-FACTOR Magazine edition 2







F-FACTOR MAGAZINE...
............reality in lighter shades !!!!

F-Factor Magazine .......Edition 2, is now out !!!!





F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

WHAT IF................!!! by Olulu

if TUFACE is Superman

and FAZE is Batman,

What will BLACK FACE be????




THE ART OF TOASTING by sexy militant

Toasting is an age long art which has existed since...forever. Often times skill, knowledge and persistence are compulsory ingredients in achieving the best results while toasting. At other times a natural flavour or the simplest actions brings a fresh desired outcome.
It would be wrong to assume that a particular toasting technique will work on different ladies. Hold on; hope you did not assume I was talking about toasting bread? Lol... any way many Nigerian artistes have likened women to one food item or the other, for instance the stew in their rice, the sugar in their tea...so I might not be too far off if in this article I liken women to bread (especially the soft agege type that is just right for ewa-goin...can I get an amen!).
As I was saying, some dudes are pros at catching babes with their good looks and smooth talks. However there are some other brothers who seem to repel ladies for no obvious reason when they attempt the art of wooing.

................go buy d 2nd edition of f-factor mag for d concluding part.

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

Kungfu Football ??? By Shawlaa Mossrow





“It is the year 2018; we are transmitting live from the Obama Stadium, here in Kenya. It is the World Cup first round group match between Ivory Coast and Italy. Team coach, Didier Drogba, is jumping about animatedly in the dug-out as the Referee blows for a foul! The team physios hurry on the field to pick Kalou’s fallen body unto the stretcher… about a minute or so later one of the physios return to detach Kalou’s face from Italian defender Maldini Jr’s studs. And as we review the replay, I hand you over to my co-commentator, Jean-Claude Van Damme.”
“Thank you, Scholes. As you can see, Maldini achieved a full 360degree roundhouse in connecting with Kalou’s face. Great form, excellent technique.”
“And, do you have anything to add, Mr. Jackie Chan?”
“Personally, I think that… even Bruce Lee would have been proud.”
“Viewers will have the opportunity of seeing this wonderful tackle in Matrix timing during the halftime break.”
Football is a contact sport.
No kidding. Much blood hath been drawn and jerseys rend asunder to prove that fact. On the average 90 minute debacle, there is hardly that part of the body that does not take a bruising (they don’t clutch the twins during free kicks for nothing you know). The beauty of the volley is no longer just in how it connects to the ball and to what effect, but also how it connects to limb, skull or even gonad (that’s ‘nuts’ to the none the wiser). Okay, yes; ‘contact sport’ it might be; but surely football is not quite boxing, right?
In boxing you see the punch coming, you even expect it. Ask Petr Cech.

................go buy d 2nd edition of f-factor mag for d concluding part.

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De Cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Funny-li-ti-cal view :- Best man for the Job by Gideon Olugbile



Good day people, we are here live in the studio of C.B.B, where today we have with us the former Chief Tenant of Asole Block Villa, and Ex- C.E.O of the Republic, in the person of Raheem Mamafinda aka Gap Tooth alias E. Genius.

Presenter: You are welcome to our studio sir.

E. Genius: Thanks I am very great.

Presenter: Ok, let’s talk about your new found ambition to become C.E.O of the Republic again, after been in charge for 8 years and a 17 year absence from the political scene. Why do you want to come back?

E. Genius: I am the best man for the job.

Presenter: But with a 17 year absence from the scene, are you up to date with the information age of this century?

E. Genius: The republic has not changed since I left, so I know what the people want.

Presenter: What do the people want?

E. Genius: Well, when I was there we moved “things” in millions and in Ghana-must-go bags, now it’s being done in billions. I want to start moving it in trillions with bullet proof vans (gives a gap-toothed smile).

Presenter: Is that what makes you think you are the best man for the job?

E. Genius: Well, Mr. questionnaire, you see, am the best man for the job, because I get am for plenty, plenty experience, in fact my brain is wired like per seconds billing, unlike the youths of this republic that are on per hour billing thinking.

Presenter: But don’t you think if people like you give the youths a chance, they might perform.

E. Genius: The youths of this republic are “olodos” and are incapable of ruling this republic. Look, it’s very clear that our young, young people sef, ba brain, ba sense, ba experience unlike Obama who get am for plenty experience and............................

stay tuned for the concluding part of the article in the edition 2.

F-Factor Magazine .......Edition 2, coming soon !!!!




Funny-li-ti-cal view

ODIESHIRIBONUCLEIC ACID (ONA): The Nigerian DNA
By Bimbo A.


BUSINESS ANGLE
Banking Deform
From: Big, Stump and unreliable Horse Bank plc, X-perience Piss Bank, and unHappy People Bank PLC

To: The Naija public



SPOIL SPORT

Kungfu Football ???
By Shawlaa Mossrow


FUN-TAINMENT section
A Typical 9ja Music Album...
By Don Fabrino



Beauty and Fashion

WARDROBE WISDOM
By Sexy Militant

FUN SHOT by Triple A




Hey, come pimp my ride !!!

IF I WERE A BOY by LADY




I love the lyrics to the above titled song by Beyonce. She sure will make one hell of a great guy if she ever becomes a boy. But, listening to the song today, I started wondering what kind of a guy I would make if I was a boy. I wish I could say I would be a great guy, the kind of guy I want in my life but I doubt it. If nothing else is different about me except my sex, GADF***ING DAMN! I mean, I love sex even as a babe, then imagine being free of every sexual restriction the society places on women. I read somewhere a tongue-in-cheek definition of Nymphomaniac – “a woman with the sexual appetite of a man”.
Even the dictionary confirms the term nymphomania is usually used to refer to women. What that means is that women are not expected to have voracious sexual appetites. Talk about sexual oppression!

I want a faithful, love only me, f**k only me kinda guy but would I be that kind of guy if I was a boy? Hell NO! I would be the 21st century version of Don Juan, Casanova and all the randy guys that ever existed put together.

I’ve been told I’m a pretty girl so I guess that means I would be a handsome guy with enough charm and glib tongue to get the pants off any woman. I would employ every arsenal in my physical, verbal and emotional armoury to lay every babe in my sight or die trying. Age, size or colour will be no barrier. In fact, that would be my motivation. I would wanna try them all!

Why, you ask? Because that’s what that naughty, mischievous third leg would want (at least that’s what dictates to 98% of guys so why should I be any different?). I would want to find out the difference between skinny and fat chicks; know if it’s really true Asian women have the tightest ………….; guy, pretty,


...................read the concluding part in the mag. wink wink , lol.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: ULTERIOR MOTIVES? by Duvy

As a growing child, I would sometimes gaze out the window and wonder why things were as they were.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise; my star suggests (if you believe in zodiac signs) I should be passionate about anything closely related to nature.
I will often wonder why white became known as white, why submarines have no gills and why I couldn’t speak to my folks about sex at age 9.
But as I grew older, I gave myself sufficient answers, some right and others obviously wrong. The wrong answers were no bother as they kept the throbbing pain in my head caused as a result of constant worry to a minimum.
However one question I have still not been able to answer is the one of Travelling by Air.
Okay I am focusing on national flights and not the international flights that have exposed travellers to compulsory striptease; that’s an issue for another day.
On my First Trip to Abuja via Air, I struggled with the pretence that I had been on a plane before.
Smiling profusely and nodding my head to all instructions including those not understood, I switched on my phone after the hostess had announced that all phones be switched off and started clicking away
Taking as many pictures as I could, I couldn’t but admire the breathtaking view of the inside of an aeroplane.
I fastened my seat belt, pulled out my magazine and looked hard at the pictures
Suddenly I remembered my parents, my younger ones, my office and that throbbing pain in my head returned
What if this plane crashes… ............

Read the concluding part in d mag.

Cover Page - 1st edition

EYE MAKEUP for DAY & NIGHT by Renique Bolujoko



Eye makeup should be light in the day and dramatic only at night. We tend to overdo it sometimes, because we're thinking that we want people see the colours. Sometimes, when we want to match our outfit or be festive, it’s ok, but aside of this, eye shadow should only compliment the eyes and make them more prominent. Besides matching your makeup to your clothes is so last season so says Jay Manuel. Eye shadow should draw attention to your eyes not itself. It should complement the eyes, meaning it should bring out the colour of your eyes. You should use colours that will blend in well with your skin tone and eye colour, while at the same time adding a hint of colour to make your eyes attractive. Blushing eyelids are attractive, if you want to give the appearance of brightness to the area and not take away too much from the natural contours. The good news for black women is that we don’t need to add dark hues (except of course for the light skinned sisters). We just need to add a bit of colour and highlights. At night, if you're fair in complexion, you may want to add some dark colours to the crease of the eyelid, but be careful with this as very dark colours can make you look skeletal.

Da Fun Crew


Publisher
I2X Media Company Limited

Editor-in-Chief
Olu Holloway

Editors
Idowu Duru, Tayo Olufemi

Assistant Editors
De-ela, A.Y.D.G, Blue Blood, Sexy Militant

Advisory Board
Oluyomi-Lords

Staff Writer
Gideon Olugbile

Contributors
Duvy, Sexy Militant, Lilli Diva, Lady, Word Baron, Inner Voice, D.j. Swaggz,
Cartoonist - Gizokay, Graphic Artist- Qzm Babs

Photography
Triple A, Bimbo A

Contact details for Advertising and Sales
I2X Media Company Limited
Mail: f_factor4life @yahoo.com, f-factor@hotmail.com
Olumide 08025070892, Joke 08023711586, Ayo 07068400846, Dapo 018225481,
Lilian 07029561959

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any form of information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. F – Factor tm is a trade mark of i2x Media Company Limited.