Sunday, December 19, 2010


Sup man, how have you been?

I dey alright my guy, I just dey like dele and dey chill like chidi.

What are you doing with all this books and documents? You get exams?

No, am off to Abuja to see the slim mallam.

Slim mallam?

The guy that believes money can solve all the problems in the various sectors of the nation.

Who be that?

The guy that governs the bank in the center, you know, CEO of the father of all banks.

Ok, ok, I know him now. The man that taught our law makers, lessons on banking during the confirmation of his appointment as the bank’s governor.

Exactly, that is correct.

Ok, so why you wan go see am? You dey find job or contract?

Well, I have a proposal for him.

On wetin?



Yes, bailout packages.

Abeg expatiate, elucidate and enumerate what u mean.

Well, he gave out N420 billion as bailout packages to 5 banks, N130 billion to small and medium enterprises, N500 billion for the power sector and N150 billion for the manufacturing sector.

Yes, those were policies meant to kick start the those sectors of the economy and turn things around for good.

Exactly my point, since what is good for the geese is also good for the chickens, pigeons and turkey.

I no understand you o.

Well, I want to propose he also give bailout packages to every other sectors of the nation.

Hmm, like how?

Ok, since the current economic crisis is a global one, that is to say, it affects everyone, no one is excluded, thus in view of the current economic bailout efforts by the slim mallam, it only makes sense that if banks and some other sector can get bailed out, why not everybody and every sector?

Everybody ke?

Yes ke, why not, if not? After all, the global crises affect all of us. So why not bailout someone who just gambled and lost N42 Million in Abuja last weekend? You know, gamblers bailout packages for those who lose money at the casino, then margin loan bailout packages for those who lose money in the stock exchange market. To further break it down; What about bailout plan for the woman selling boli and epa on the street? You can call it “poverty bailout package”, then lets also do a Bailout plan for the mechanics, Bailout plan for bank workers that lost their jobs in the tsunami that happened in the banking sector, bailout plan for the students that can’t afford to go to school, Bailout plan for the kidnappers, bailout plan for the militants, bailout plan for the musician that is yet to make a hit, bailout plan for Nollywood stars, script writers, film producers, movie marketers and even the waka pass actors and actresses.

Na true you dey talk o, but what about me wey like to drink shayo and pursue fine fine girls.

Then it is imperative to provide shayo bailout packages, wedding ceremonies bailout packages, child naming ceremony bailout package, and even Aristo runs bailout packages. Then we can also do a bailout plan for super eagles (since they are now supper chickens easily beaten by everybody), bailout plan for drivers caught by lastma officials for taking one way (especially when there is no sign of the road saying it’s a one way street), bailout plan for accidents victims (especially those that were stopped at checkpoints and were now rammed into by trailers), bailout plan for robbery victims (since the law enforcers dey fear to face the armed thieves and are only interested in toll gate takings), bailout plan for teachers going on strike, bailout plan for resident doctors going on strike, yahoo yahoo bailout package and then a bailout plan for ladies of the night aka prostitutes. You get the drift?

But u sure say all this one go possible, since there are some other government agencies that can cater for the needs of some of the people you mentioned.

Well, obviously since the agencies have not done their duty, the agencies also need bailout packages. Even me too, I need a bailout package, yels ke, as a jobless graduate I should get Job hunt bailout package.

Guy, you funny o, but na true yarns be this.

So am off, I go see you when I get back from Abuja.

Ok now, safe journey.

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