Saturday, August 21, 2010

Law Makers, Money Choppers, Born Fighters by IBK

Guy, how far now?

I’m good o, you nko?

All correct, no long thing. Wetin u dey do wey u serious like this?

I’m trying to make a list of possible godfathers and things I need to become a politician.

Godfather? Politics? Thought you wanted to be a doctor, an accountant or some other respectable professional.

My guy, I now want to be a politician.

But why na? You just finish secondary school, you no wan go university go study?

Exactly, I don’t need a university degree to become a law maker or even the president of this nation. With this my secondary school certificate, I will rule over graduates. Don’t you know politicians especially those that make laws, do nothing and earn millions of Naira? So why slave away as a doctor or an accountant? When as a law maker I will earn basic salary of about N2.48 million, N1.24 million as hardship allowance, N4.97 million as furniture allowance, newspaper allowance of N1.24 million, and many other allowances like that. In short my guy, I will get like N300 million as salary per annum.

Hmm, that’s true o. ok, so wetin be the things you need to do?

Well, one, I need a god father, who has embezzled enough money to finance my campaign. Two, I need to learn how to box or better still, learn how to fight Kun-fu, tear clothes, race to carry the mace and drag people out of the chamber because of the fights that break out every now and then. Then, three, I need a whistle to blow whenever I want to disturb a session and a tear gas canister to spray into any eye that challenges me.

Hmm, seems you have done your home work. But politicians are generally regarded as been corrupt.

I don’t disagree. But you no know say corruption is an Art in this nation, the more corrupt you are, the more attractive you are to people who need you.

Guy, there is an anti graft agency to check and arrest corrupt people o.

Leave that thing, na today? Abeg leave story, everybody that is somebody in this nation has a file in the agency, but as long as you are in bed with the ruling government your file stays in the vault till when you fall out of favour with the ruling government.

You will be setting a bad example for your son o.

Nah, I will name my son “Goodluck” and ensure he is a running mate to a governor and afterwards when the governor goes to jail, he rules in his place. Then next he will be running mate to the president, and going by precedent, he will become the No. 1 man with no votes cast.

Seems you have it all thought out. But as your very own person, where I go feature for your plan?

That one no be problem, you will be in the background managing the many, many companies I will be using to move money into my pocket. Infact, you will even help me use N9 billion to buy jeeps and flat screen televisions for my babes once I become the No. 4 man in government.

What if people oppose you?

That’s easy too, I will be the judge and jury in any of the cases against me and get them suspended for the session.

Correct, you be the man jo, I’m with you all the way.

Good, let’s go thereeeeeeeee………………..!!!

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