Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Funny-li-ti-cal view

Lights, Camera, ACTion……….!!!!

Don Fabrino.

Mazi Ojo
Hajjia Turari
Mallam Auda’ray
General Dimka
Dokta Abdul
Dokta George
Dokta Majeed

Act 1, Scene 1: Nnumadi Akeziwi Flyport
Rekpota: Sir, we see that you are preparing to visit the ultimate Mallam Auda’ray in the Middle East, what should we expect this time around?
Mazi Ojo: Not exactly a visit to my Mallam. We just want to go and express our gratitude to the “Igwe” of the Holy Land for being so magnanimous as to have been feeding and sheltering Mallam Auda’ray for three full moons.
Rekpota: But Sir, does it mean that you don’t have any plan of seeing the Mallam, because….
Mazi Ojo: “Bia! Nwoke m!” Do you have problems with your ears? I say I wan go see King, you say make I go Mallam. The King has extended kindness, hospitality, fraternal care and excellent facilities to my employer and you don’t think I should embark on a “Thank-You” mission abi? So that, you people would say that am not a grateful servant abi? Look, your juju will not work! Ntoooo!
Rekpota: Sir, I am wondering; are you doing this because Hajjia Turari has been bouncing people that previously attempted to see Mallam?
Mazi Ojo: Ehen! Now you are talking! In fact it is not flesh and blood that revealed it to you…em, how am I sure it is not boiling oil she will pour on me at 50metre-radius of the hospital. Sorry, I have a call…on phone for some minutes…Chineke! Can you imagine?! I have just been told that we have been denied a landing clearance. I need to check out what was responsible, if you will excuse me, please.

Act 2, Scene 1: L’Hopital, Aaudi Sarabia
Illiasu: Mallama, ze Ministers are still determined to come over here after all the attempts to make shua zhat their flane does not land.
Hajjia Turari: Kai! What should we do now…..thinking…thinking…thinking hard…pass me that ‘kunu’, call me ze dokta and get me ze General on the phone.
- - - enter Dokta Abdul, Dokta George & Dokta Majeed - - -
Dokta Abdul: Good day ma’am
Hajjia Turari: Ehen meggida dokta, we would be moving Mallam back home this night.
Dokta George: That would be risky and very complicated. And, if I may ask, why the sudden rush to take him home. I thought you said that Mallam can still rule your people even from Alcatraz!
Hajjia Turari: Dokta, you will not understand. There have been some developments. Apparently, all our defenders back home are losing hold. Even our most reliable District Attorney has been moved to an office where his smile may be translated as treason! I heard that there are so much pressure, infact, that short ‘Bar-man’ of West Africa and that all-season Sancta Claus a.k.a Shole Woyinka now dance around the country making some embarrassing demands. Can you imagine there was a re-enactment of Shakespeare’s “E te Brute” in our Republic? Anyway, the leader of the House is also a Marcus, I shouldn’t be too surprised.
Dokta Majeed: Madam I am sorry, but from all you said, I still don’t see why Mallam should be moved
Hajjia Turari: You know what? I really don’t care whether you understand or not…em…Illia! Get me my kunu again, and garnish it with a higher dose of poli.
Illiyasu: Yes madam! General Dimka is on ze line.
Hajjia Turari: (picks up the receiver) Dimka! Ina kuana
Gen. Dimka: Good day your Excellency.
Madam Turari: General we shall be coming with Maigida this night, make sure you secure ze Flyport.
Gen. Dimka: Madam, does it mean that Maigida has recovered?
Madam Turari: It is none of your business General; just do as I instructed you. How dare you question ze Commanderess-in-Chief of the Rude Boys.
Gen. Dimka: I am very sorry madam; we shall carry out your orders to the letter. Would you like us to surround the whole Capitol with armoured vehicles and weapons of mad destruction?
Hajjia Turari: If you do not know how to carry out your duties, then I may just have you replaced with Jack Bauer. Because all I want right now is for all events to occur in un-Real time.
Gen. Dimka: fala fala your Excellency, your wish is my religion.

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