Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Funny-li-ti-cal view: Absentia Leadership Training

Absentia Leadership Training
By Gideon Olugbile

Diplomat: Hello, Good Day
Aide: Good day sir, how may I help you?
Diplomat: Is that Rock of Absolute Rights Ltd
Aide: Yes it is, Sir
Diplomat: Please, I’ll like to speak to your C.E.O- Yusuf Manadora?
Aide: What will you like to know Sir?
Diplomat: I’m afraid it is rather confidential and can only be for his ears only
Aide: Ok, Let me transfer you to his yarinya.
Diplomat: Excuse me, his yarinya? What’s wrong with speaking directly to the C.E.O
Aide: Well he is away on a course
Diplomat: On a course? Well pass the line down to the Course centre.
Aide: He is on a course titled “Absentia Leadership:- a mandatory requirement for effective governance,” thus he cannot be disturbed.
Diplomat: Hmm! Ok, What about his deputy, Mr Favoured David?
Aide: Oh him! Well, he is just a figure head and lacks any form of authority, even the board of directors don’t obey him
Diplomat: Ok, is there a board member I can talk to, like the P.R.O, that is the person in charge of information or maybe the company secretary on legal matters or non-local affairs Director.
Aide: Well, i’m afraid they can’t speak the mind of the C.E.O. The company secretary and all acknowledge that a vacant seat is not a vacant leadership, thus the only person that speaks the C.E.O’s mind is his yarinya because she is the only one that has seen him of recent.
Diplomat: Ok, let me speak to her
Aide: Hold on please, while I connect the line to her
Diplomat: Hello ma,
Yarinya: Good day Sir, How may I help you?
Diplomat: Please I have a highly confidential matter to discuss with the C.E.O
Yarinya: Ok, You are on to the right person; you may speak on, cos I speak his mind
Diplomat: But you are not a member of the board, nor were you elected or appointed in any official capacity
Yarinya: Well I am the “first babe” and as a matter of fact, the only person who can speak the mind of the C.E.O while he is on “Absentia Leadership Training.”
Diplomat: How long will the course last?
Yarinya: Well, they are through with “case study 1,” Absentia leadership for 70 days, they are currently on “case study 2,” 100 days, after which they will move to “case study 3,” 365 days.
Diplomat: Ok, if I do discuss with you, how long with it take to get a response?
Yarinya: Well, you know no phone calls are allowed during the course, thus I would go there in person and wait for the course lecturers to allow him come out from the gas chamber, gain consciousness, before I can now discuss with him. Then I will come back up. So lets say 2 weeks.
Diplomat: Haa, 2 weeks, you sure the said course is ok for him?
Yarinya: Yes, it is, though the “rigour-rity” of the course requires the participants to be in a gas chamber or wear a gas mask and be unconscious before the course facilitators do their work.
Diplomat: But why can’t the deputy, Favoured David, stand in for the C.E.O?
Yarinya: Stand in for the C.E.O.? Lai, lai, over my dead body! The C.E.O can rule from anywhere, you can ask the company secretary, Andy Oka, he would confirm that for you.
Diplomat: But how does the C.E.O communicate with his staff to ensure they know he is alright.
Yarinya: Haba, that’s easy, he calls C.B.B and then C.B.B calls the staff and even customers of the company to relay what the C.E.O has said.
Diplomat: When exactly is the C.E.O due back from his course?
Yarinya: That i cannot say o, if he passes “Case Study 2,” 100 days, then he would try his life with “Case Study 3,” 365 days.
Diplomat: Ok then, let me consult with my superiors to know if they like to proceed dealings with your company and an absentia C.E.O.
Yarinya: Please tell them that they can o, “cos an absent seat does not mean an absent leader o.”
Diplomat: Ok ma, thank you for your time.
Yarinya: Anytime, my dear, i’m only doing my duty as the “first babe” of the company.

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