WITTY Y A R N S

NAIJA GOT SWAGGER

My name na Olulu
And I no be zulu
Am a true omo naija
That does not smoke ganja.
I no dey try play people for maga,
Yet I still got lot of swagger.
What’s there to be proud of in this nation?
After all we seem to be sinking into a state of depression
Things keep getting complicated,
And important people are the ones being implicated,
Maybe we should all do Andrew and check out,
Or beg Osama bin laden to knock us all out.
Well, We might not be making proper use of the oil money,
Since so very few are the ones enjoying the honey.
But then we have learnt to use our brains,
And things are not all going down the drain,
We’re now getting known for music and comedy,
This serves as our remedy.
Everyday new talents keeping popping up,
And our rep goes a notch up.
We don dey ginger our swagger,
And soon we go become the master.
Even though I no fit use naija do wife,
But I be naija4life.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: ULTERIOR MOTIVES? by Duvy

As a growing child, I would sometimes gaze out the window and wonder why things were as they were.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise; my star suggests (if you believe in zodiac signs) I should be passionate about anything closely related to nature.
I will often wonder why white became known as white, why submarines have no gills and why I couldn’t speak to my folks about sex at age 9.
But as I grew older, I gave myself sufficient answers, some right and others obviously wrong. The wrong answers were no bother as they kept the throbbing pain in my head caused as a result of constant worry to a minimum.
However one question I have still not been able to answer is the one of Travelling by Air.
Okay I am focusing on national flights and not the international flights that have exposed travellers to compulsory striptease; that’s an issue for another day.
On my First Trip to Abuja via Air, I struggled with the pretence that I had been on a plane before.
Smiling profusely and nodding my head to all instructions including those not understood, I switched on my phone after the hostess had announced that all phones be switched off and started clicking away
Taking as many pictures as I could, I couldn’t but admire the breathtaking view of the inside of an aeroplane.
I fastened my seat belt, pulled out my magazine and looked hard at the pictures
Suddenly I remembered my parents, my younger ones, my office and that throbbing pain in my head returned
What if this plane crashes… ............

Read the concluding part in d mag.