IF I WERE A BOY by LADY

I love the lyrics to the above titled song by Beyonce. She sure will make one hell of a great guy if she ever becomes a boy. But, listening to the song today, I started wondering what kind of a guy I would make if I was a boy. I wish I could say I would be a great guy, the kind of guy I want in my life but I doubt it. If nothing else is different about me except my sex, GADF***ING DAMN! I mean, I love sex even as a babe, then imagine being free of every sexual restriction the society places on women. I read somewhere a tongue-in-cheek definition of Nymphomaniac – “a woman with the sexual appetite of a man”.
Even the dictionary confirms the term nymphomania is usually used to refer to women. What that means is that women are not expected to have voracious sexual appetites. Talk about sexual oppression!

I want a faithful, love only me, f**k only me kinda guy but would I be that kind of guy if I was a boy? Hell NO! I would be the 21st century version of Don Juan, Casanova and all the randy guys that ever existed put together.

I’ve been told I’m a pretty girl so I guess that means I would be a handsome guy with enough charm and glib tongue to get the pants off any woman. I would employ every arsenal in my physical, verbal and emotional armoury to lay every babe in my sight or die trying. Age, size or colour will be no barrier. In fact, that would be my motivation. I would wanna try them all!

Why, you ask? Because that’s what that naughty, mischievous third leg would want (at least that’s what dictates to 98% of guys so why should I be any different?). I would want to find out the difference between skinny and fat chicks; know if it’s really true Asian women have the tightest ………….; guy, pretty,


...................read the concluding part in the mag. wink wink , lol.

CUSTOMER SERVICE: ULTERIOR MOTIVES? by Duvy

As a growing child, I would sometimes gaze out the window and wonder why things were as they were.
This shouldn’t come as a surprise; my star suggests (if you believe in zodiac signs) I should be passionate about anything closely related to nature.
I will often wonder why white became known as white, why submarines have no gills and why I couldn’t speak to my folks about sex at age 9.
But as I grew older, I gave myself sufficient answers, some right and others obviously wrong. The wrong answers were no bother as they kept the throbbing pain in my head caused as a result of constant worry to a minimum.
However one question I have still not been able to answer is the one of Travelling by Air.
Okay I am focusing on national flights and not the international flights that have exposed travellers to compulsory striptease; that’s an issue for another day.
On my First Trip to Abuja via Air, I struggled with the pretence that I had been on a plane before.
Smiling profusely and nodding my head to all instructions including those not understood, I switched on my phone after the hostess had announced that all phones be switched off and started clicking away
Taking as many pictures as I could, I couldn’t but admire the breathtaking view of the inside of an aeroplane.
I fastened my seat belt, pulled out my magazine and looked hard at the pictures
Suddenly I remembered my parents, my younger ones, my office and that throbbing pain in my head returned
What if this plane crashes… ............

Read the concluding part in d mag.

Cover Page - 1st edition