WHAT IF............!!!! by Olulu

WHAT WILL DON JAZZY BE? If D Banj is a KOKOLET and Wande Coal is an Orobo to Bad !!!!

I’m Hot…and You are too Gbasky for my liking by Maestro

Both of them are so slim that only their abdominal muscles (or abs for those ladies who go “ooh” when the Rock takes off his clothes) differentiate them from something chewed by a camel in a desert.
One is the king of brainless babes and the other is Lord of the Booze. The stage is set, and we introduce the contestants: D’Banj and Durella.
I love these guys. Vocally, they can be called Siamese twins, since it is only a few connoisseurs of music who can be adept enough to tell the difference in their singing voices. Apart from that, they are almost identical in body conformation, and here’s the biggest secret: their names both start with a capital “D”! Amazing, isn’t it? Seems like brothers from different spermatozoa, not to mention womb.
The “koko’ master comes on stage – wearing the ubiquitous criminal-looking sunglasses, of course – and begins to furiously swivel his hips to the beat. Suddenly, suddenly, he experiences waist pains and stops to remove his belt, all the while intoning: “Do you like the koko…How big is the koko?”
Meanwhile, some very reliable sources say that the Koko is about the approximate size of the eraser on the head of a pencil.
The shayo master, on the other hand, prances onto the stage and you can practically feel your brain take flight as the pounding beat of his song cripples your nervous system.
These two guys are among the best of Nigeria’s party starters, and if them no dey your party, “you know you’re missing”.
For some reason, it took some of us quite a while to see the difference between the Mo’ Hits Kid and the Wiskolo wiska genius. However, we now have new and technologically advanced means of separating the sheep from the goats.
Note: these guys are specialists at creating new words that have no credible meaning (and, hopefully, these words would never enter into any reputable dictionary in the nearest future. Amen).


.................read the continuation by buying the 3rd edition of F-Factor Magazine

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.




HOTLINES
Olumide – 08025070892
Ayo – 07068400846
Dapo – 01-8225481
Joke – 08023711586
Lillian - 07029561959

Law Makers, Money Choppers, Born Fighters by IBK

Guy, how far now?

I’m good o, you nko?

All correct, no long thing. Wetin u dey do wey u serious like this?

I’m trying to make a list of possible godfathers and things I need to become a politician.

Godfather? Politics? Thought you wanted to be a doctor, an accountant or some other respectable professional.

My guy, I now want to be a politician.

But why na? You just finish secondary school, you no wan go university go study?

Exactly, I don’t need a university degree to become a law maker or even the president of this nation. With this my secondary school certificate, I will rule over graduates. Don’t you know politicians especially those that make laws, do nothing and earn millions of Naira? So why slave away as a doctor or an accountant? When as a law maker I will earn basic salary of about N2.48 million, N1.24 million as hardship allowance, N4.97 million as furniture allowance, newspaper allowance of N1.24 million, and many other allowances like that. In short my guy, I will get like N300 million as salary per annum.

Hmm, that’s true o. ok, so wetin be the things you need to do?

Well, one, I need a god father, who has embezzled enough money to finance my campaign. Two, I need to learn how to box or better still, learn how to fight Kun-fu, tear clothes, race to carry the mace and drag people out of the chamber because of the fights that break out every now and then. Then, three, I need a whistle to blow whenever I want to disturb a session and a tear gas canister to spray into any eye that challenges me.

Hmm, seems you have done your home work. But politicians are generally regarded as been corrupt.

I don’t disagree. But you no know say corruption is an Art in this nation, the more corrupt you are, the more attractive you are to people who need you.

Guy, there is an anti graft agency to check and arrest corrupt people o.

Leave that thing, na today? Abeg leave story, everybody that is somebody in this nation has a file in the agency, but as long as you are in bed with the ruling government your file stays in the vault till when you fall out of favour with the ruling government.

You will be setting a bad example for your son o.

Nah, I will name my son “Goodluck” and ensure he is a running mate to a governor and afterwards when the governor goes to jail, he rules in his place. Then next he will be running mate to the president, and going by precedent, he will become the No. 1 man with no votes cast.

Seems you have it all thought out. But as your very own person, where I go feature for your plan?

That one no be problem, you will be in the background managing the many, many companies I will be using to move money into my pocket. Infact, you will even help me use N9 billion to buy jeeps and flat screen televisions for my babes once I become the No. 4 man in government.

What if people oppose you?

That’s easy too, I will be the judge and jury in any of the cases against me and get them suspended for the session.

Correct, you be the man jo, I’m with you all the way.

Good, let’s go thereeeeeeeee………………..!!!

F-FACTOR Magazine......reality in lighter shades !!!

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places

1. The Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, Commercial Avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos.
9. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.
10. POD Book shop, 7 opebi road, Ikeja.
11. Mrs Onikoyi (LASU ADCADE), Sammy J (Faculty of Law), Faith Unique shop (FSB 37, faculty of science), LAB Ventures (FSB c-41, faculty of science), all in LASU Ojo, Lagos.


HOTLINES
Olu – 08025070892
Ayo – 07068400846
Dapo – 01-8225481
Joke – 08023711586
Lillian - 07029561959

IMPLICATION remix

As they kolonbi our Eagles
As they faasi Enyeama
As they disobey Largerback
We come dey get plenty wahala
As they dribble Kaita
As Yakubu commit the disaster
Just because Kanu dey there,
He follow enter the yawa..
Olele olele o ti dabaru olele...

BUSINESS ANGLE:- MONEY FOR SALE

From: Father of All Banks
To: Foreign Investors, Bigger Financial Institutions and Other interested parties

It’s with pleasure that I bring to your notice, an event like never seen before in Naija, a special occasion and one of a kind bazaar. My people, we have “Money For Sale.”
Last year, I the blue blooded son of Kano held the confirmers of my appointment spellbound in a Banking 101 class during my interview, I the banking wizard was in fallible by all estimation.
I then proceeded to deal with hooligans riding in “Money Warehouses” as “Executive Bandits.” I turned Bankers to Pastors, mothers to prisioners, business men became national publicized debtors, celebrated technocrats became criminals and chief executive became pilots and fugitives. As expected, denials were fast, allegiances quickly changed and business realigned. What choices did they have? Even the great “Erratic Arrest us” could not withstand the heat, he scaled the fence of his home and fled through the border to the U.K (will he go unpunished? Well, that’s a story for another day). I then had funds injected into the banks, put in place quality risk processes, and corporate governance.
What is the next line of action? It’s a bazaar, let’s trade the golden goose along with the egg and let’s trade the money as if it is free for all. The bazaar is now set, there is money for sale and you are invited.
Though the financial institutions are still unstable like NEPA, experience network failure like Nitel and are downsizing as if it’s the fashionable thing to do.
But you can still take a gamble on the golden goose, and you may be lucky to get the golden eggs. So come one, come all, there is money for sale.

Signed
XLX aka Governor of the Father of all Banks.