24: LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT.........!!!

24: LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT
By Blue Blood

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 12.00AM AND 1.00AM ON THE DAY OF THE RETURN OF DON KASU PANDORA. THE NO. 1 CITIZEN OF THE REPUBLIC.

I got wind of his return the day before. It jolted me awake from my sleep after a long tiring day. But I was sceptical. We get so many winds in the Republic: the wind of petrol scarcity; the wind of health and educational workers strike; the wind of a Bomb in Aso Ebi Palace; name it! His plane was billed to touch down the capital city airport the morning of the 3rd day of the week.

I am an Ace journalist. I always want to be first. And I have an unprecedented record that support me: first to get to the office on Mondays when our chairman comes on routine visits;
First to leave the office when the MD is not around.
First to volunteer to cover The Republic’s matches on T.V as the stadium were always too crowded.
First to get married among the age 30+ group. Name it!
So, NATURALLY, I wanted to be the first to get a shot at the arriving No 1 Don of the Republic. This could earn me a Pulitzer Prize or a promotion at least. Who knows?
Some 90 something days after, we all expected him to have ‘chopped-up’. I mean what else has Ruita, his beloved and loving “yarinya” been doing by his bedside all these months if not taking care of him. Ok, apart from barring the high and low admin houses’ members and even the council members from seeing him, what else? Ok, apart from encouraging him to pass beyond, rather than step aside, what else? Huh? What else?

I took 2 shots of paraga, 2 shots of Aloma and 2 shots of gin, to stay sharp, alert and awake. I hopped into my car and drove through the freeway of the capital city en-route the airport.

Ehen, a colleague’s car in front of me and in my way, i pressed down on the accelerator and overtook him, driving him off the road in the process. Why? Cos I am an Ace reporter, and I NEEDED to be FIRST!!!


THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 1.00AM AND 2.00AM, ON THE DAY OF THE RETURN OF DON KASU PANDORA. THE NO. 1 CITIZEN OF THE REPUBLIC.

“My maigida, how are you feeling”? Ruita gently rubbed her husband chest. This used to bring desired effects in the bedroom in the good old days, but now…
“What would you like me to do for you” she further probed. “I’m going to ask you some questions. Blink your eyes once to mean “no”, blink twice to mean “yes”. Ok?
Don Kasu Pandora lay on his back. His eyes mulled over the tubes connected to his body. He tried to feel the sensations: his toes: no show, his finger: no show, his head: no show, his POWER-HOUSE: the response was immediate as he thought of his youngest yarinya!!! How much he needed a rub down there! Even if it was from Ruita, who was fast becoming frigid to such matters as she now paid more attention to National Politricks and Power Play.
“How can I make my maigida comfortable” Ruita thought to herself. The past 93 days has been harrowing for her. She had not in any of the 92 previous days had time to be by her husband. But on this 93rd day, he did deserve her attention.
She rubbed his forehead. “Do you want me to rub your head’? He blinked once.
She rubbed his hands. “Do you want me to rub your hands”? He blinked once.
She rubbed his feet. “Do you want me to rub your feet”? He blinked once.
And so, the rubbing of different parts of his body continued. Until..........
Her hand came close to Maigida’s Power House! His pulse began to race! His heart beat faster! His eyes rolled in unbridled excitement! Memories poured into his medulla oblongata!
“Do you want me to rub your.....”her voice trailed off as her eyes caught his own.
He was blinking and blinking and blinking and blinking and blinking….
He was blinking with so much intensity; the LIFE SUPPORT MACHINE began to display a malfunction signal!
“DOCTOR!!!” Ruita yelled, as she dashed out of the cabin to fetch the Doctor on board the flying ambulance.


(Go buy the mag to read d concluding part............lol)

Funny-li-ti-cal view: Absentia Leadership Training

Absentia Leadership Training
By Gideon Olugbile

Diplomat: Hello, Good Day
Aide: Good day sir, how may I help you?
Diplomat: Is that Rock of Absolute Rights Ltd
Aide: Yes it is, Sir
Diplomat: Please, I’ll like to speak to your C.E.O- Yusuf Manadora?
Aide: What will you like to know Sir?
Diplomat: I’m afraid it is rather confidential and can only be for his ears only
Aide: Ok, Let me transfer you to his yarinya.
Diplomat: Excuse me, his yarinya? What’s wrong with speaking directly to the C.E.O
Aide: Well he is away on a course
Diplomat: On a course? Well pass the line down to the Course centre.
Aide: He is on a course titled “Absentia Leadership:- a mandatory requirement for effective governance,” thus he cannot be disturbed.
Diplomat: Hmm! Ok, What about his deputy, Mr Favoured David?
Aide: Oh him! Well, he is just a figure head and lacks any form of authority, even the board of directors don’t obey him
Diplomat: Ok, is there a board member I can talk to, like the P.R.O, that is the person in charge of information or maybe the company secretary on legal matters or non-local affairs Director.
Aide: Well, i’m afraid they can’t speak the mind of the C.E.O. The company secretary and all acknowledge that a vacant seat is not a vacant leadership, thus the only person that speaks the C.E.O’s mind is his yarinya because she is the only one that has seen him of recent.
Diplomat: Ok, let me speak to her
Aide: Hold on please, while I connect the line to her
Diplomat: Hello ma,
Yarinya: Good day Sir, How may I help you?
Diplomat: Please I have a highly confidential matter to discuss with the C.E.O
Yarinya: Ok, You are on to the right person; you may speak on, cos I speak his mind
Diplomat: But you are not a member of the board, nor were you elected or appointed in any official capacity
Yarinya: Well I am the “first babe” and as a matter of fact, the only person who can speak the mind of the C.E.O while he is on “Absentia Leadership Training.”
Diplomat: How long will the course last?
Yarinya: Well, they are through with “case study 1,” Absentia leadership for 70 days, they are currently on “case study 2,” 100 days, after which they will move to “case study 3,” 365 days.
Diplomat: Ok, if I do discuss with you, how long with it take to get a response?
Yarinya: Well, you know no phone calls are allowed during the course, thus I would go there in person and wait for the course lecturers to allow him come out from the gas chamber, gain consciousness, before I can now discuss with him. Then I will come back up. So lets say 2 weeks.
Diplomat: Haa, 2 weeks, you sure the said course is ok for him?
Yarinya: Yes, it is, though the “rigour-rity” of the course requires the participants to be in a gas chamber or wear a gas mask and be unconscious before the course facilitators do their work.
Diplomat: But why can’t the deputy, Favoured David, stand in for the C.E.O?
Yarinya: Stand in for the C.E.O.? Lai, lai, over my dead body! The C.E.O can rule from anywhere, you can ask the company secretary, Andy Oka, he would confirm that for you.
Diplomat: But how does the C.E.O communicate with his staff to ensure they know he is alright.
Yarinya: Haba, that’s easy, he calls C.B.B and then C.B.B calls the staff and even customers of the company to relay what the C.E.O has said.
Diplomat: When exactly is the C.E.O due back from his course?
Yarinya: That i cannot say o, if he passes “Case Study 2,” 100 days, then he would try his life with “Case Study 3,” 365 days.
Diplomat: Ok then, let me consult with my superiors to know if they like to proceed dealings with your company and an absentia C.E.O.
Yarinya: Please tell them that they can o, “cos an absent seat does not mean an absent leader o.”
Diplomat: Ok ma, thank you for your time.
Yarinya: Anytime, my dear, i’m only doing my duty as the “first babe” of the company.