Kungfu Football ??? By Shawlaa Mossrow

“It is the year 2018; we are transmitting live from the Obama Stadium, here in Kenya. It is the World Cup first round group match between Ivory Coast and Italy. Team coach, Didier Drogba, is jumping about animatedly in the dug-out as the Referee blows for a foul! The team physios hurry on the field to pick Kalou’s fallen body unto the stretcher… about a minute or so later one of the physios return to detach Kalou’s face from Italian defender Maldini Jr’s studs. And as we review the replay, I hand you over to my co-commentator, Jean-Claude Van Damme.”
“Thank you, Scholes. As you can see, Maldini achieved a full 360degree roundhouse in connecting with Kalou’s face. Great form, excellent technique.”
“And, do you have anything to add, Mr. Jackie Chan?”
“Personally, I think that… even Bruce Lee would have been proud.”
“Viewers will have the opportunity of seeing this wonderful tackle in Matrix timing during the halftime break.”
Football is a contact sport.
No kidding. Much blood hath been drawn and jerseys rend asunder to prove that fact. On the average 90 minute debacle, there is hardly that part of the body that does not take a bruising (they don’t clutch the twins during free kicks for nothing you know). The beauty of the volley is no longer just in how it connects to the ball and to what effect, but also how it connects to limb, skull or even gonad (that’s ‘nuts’ to the none the wiser). Okay, yes; ‘contact sport’ it might be; but surely football is not quite boxing, right?
In boxing you see the punch coming, you even expect it. Ask Petr Cech.

................go buy d 2nd edition of f-factor mag for d concluding part.

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De Cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.

Funny-li-ti-cal view :- Best man for the Job by Gideon Olugbile

Good day people, we are here live in the studio of C.B.B, where today we have with us the former Chief Tenant of Asole Block Villa, and Ex- C.E.O of the Republic, in the person of Raheem Mamafinda aka Gap Tooth alias E. Genius.

Presenter: You are welcome to our studio sir.

E. Genius: Thanks I am very great.

Presenter: Ok, let’s talk about your new found ambition to become C.E.O of the Republic again, after been in charge for 8 years and a 17 year absence from the political scene. Why do you want to come back?

E. Genius: I am the best man for the job.

Presenter: But with a 17 year absence from the scene, are you up to date with the information age of this century?

E. Genius: The republic has not changed since I left, so I know what the people want.

Presenter: What do the people want?

E. Genius: Well, when I was there we moved “things” in millions and in Ghana-must-go bags, now it’s being done in billions. I want to start moving it in trillions with bullet proof vans (gives a gap-toothed smile).

Presenter: Is that what makes you think you are the best man for the job?

E. Genius: Well, Mr. questionnaire, you see, am the best man for the job, because I get am for plenty, plenty experience, in fact my brain is wired like per seconds billing, unlike the youths of this republic that are on per hour billing thinking.

Presenter: But don’t you think if people like you give the youths a chance, they might perform.

E. Genius: The youths of this republic are “olodos” and are incapable of ruling this republic. Look, it’s very clear that our young, young people sef, ba brain, ba sense, ba experience unlike Obama who get am for plenty experience and............................

stay tuned for the concluding part of the article in the edition 2.