F-FACTOR Unleashed.............!!!

BAIL OUT PACKAGES By IBK

Sup man, how have you been?

I dey alright my guy, I just dey like dele and dey chill like chidi.

What are you doing with all this books and documents? You get exams?

No, am off to Abuja to see the slim mallam.

Slim mallam?

The guy that believes money can solve all the problems in the various sectors of the nation.

Who be that?

The guy that governs the bank in the center, you know, CEO of the father of all banks.

Ok, ok, I know him now. The man that taught our law makers, lessons on banking during the confirmation of his appointment as the bank’s governor.

Exactly, that is correct.

Ok, so why you wan go see am? You dey find job or contract?

Well, I have a proposal for him.

On wetin?

Bail.

Bail?

Yes, bailout packages.

Abeg expatiate, elucidate and enumerate what u mean.

Well, he gave out N420 billion as bailout packages to 5 banks, N130 billion to small and medium enterprises, N500 billion for the power sector and N150 billion for the manufacturing sector.

Yes, those were policies meant to kick start the those sectors of the economy and turn things around for good.

Exactly my point, since what is good for the geese is also good for the chickens, pigeons and turkey.

I no understand you o.

Well, I want to propose he also give bailout packages to every other sectors of the nation.

Hmm, like how?

Ok, since the current economic crisis is a global one, that is to say, it affects everyone, no one is excluded, thus in view of the current economic bailout efforts by the slim mallam, it only makes sense that if banks and some other sector can get bailed out, why not everybody and every sector?

Everybody ke?

Yes ke, why not, if not? After all, the global crises affect all of us. So why not bailout someone who just gambled and lost N42 Million in Abuja last weekend? You know, gamblers bailout packages for those who lose money at the casino, then margin loan bailout packages for those who lose money in the stock exchange market. To further break it down; What about bailout plan for the woman selling boli and epa on the street? You can call it “poverty bailout package”, then lets also do a Bailout plan for the mechanics, Bailout plan for bank workers that lost their jobs in the tsunami that happened in the banking sector, bailout plan for the students that can’t afford to go to school, Bailout plan for the kidnappers, bailout plan for the militants, bailout plan for the musician that is yet to make a hit, bailout plan for Nollywood stars, script writers, film producers, movie marketers and even the waka pass actors and actresses.

Na true you dey talk o, but what about me wey like to drink shayo and pursue fine fine girls.

Then it is imperative to provide shayo bailout packages, wedding ceremonies bailout packages, child naming ceremony bailout package, and even Aristo runs bailout packages. Then we can also do a bailout plan for super eagles (since they are now supper chickens easily beaten by everybody), bailout plan for drivers caught by lastma officials for taking one way (especially when there is no sign of the road saying it’s a one way street), bailout plan for accidents victims (especially those that were stopped at checkpoints and were now rammed into by trailers), bailout plan for robbery victims (since the law enforcers dey fear to face the armed thieves and are only interested in toll gate takings), bailout plan for teachers going on strike, bailout plan for resident doctors going on strike, yahoo yahoo bailout package and then a bailout plan for ladies of the night aka prostitutes. You get the drift?

But u sure say all this one go possible, since there are some other government agencies that can cater for the needs of some of the people you mentioned.

Well, obviously since the agencies have not done their duty, the agencies also need bailout packages. Even me too, I need a bailout package, yels ke, as a jobless graduate I should get Job hunt bailout package.

Guy, you funny o, but na true yarns be this.

So am off, I go see you when I get back from Abuja.

Ok now, safe journey.

SPOIL SPORT : HAND OF GOD by Shawlaa Mossrow

And the Number 10 stood on at the very edge of the rift on the highest peak of the frozen mountain, and there he reached out to the Mighty One.
“Diego...” said the Mighty One, “again you have returned.”
“I need more Sensei,” declared No 10.
“More?” came the disappointed growl, “What about all I have already given you?”
“Sensei, you have blessed me with the deadly art of the quick-foot-and-magnetic-toe.
You have also blessed me with the notorious White-Lotus-Multiple-Leg-over technique. Even also with the ‘kicked-in-foot-holding-my-face-diving technique’. Indeed my movement, field-foresight and kicking-score-ball-break-bone attributes have greatly manifested since I began my training with thee.”
“True. So, why have you returned?”
“To learn the one technique you never taught me...”
“No!” gasped the Mighty One, “not that! It is the most deadly art ever wielded. It has the power to break the heart, subdue the spirit to fight, and annihilate the joy of living from millions and an entire nations in one move. Please, reconsider!”
Lightning, and thunder flashes.
“I have chosen”, said Number 10, “Give me the power!!!”
Fresh cue: a very rough cut of the scene; then a pretentious super-text “Is this the end, or only the beginning?”
Tragically, it was only the beginning.
Flash-forward, it’s the 22nd of June, 1986. We are in the Estadio Azteca, Mexico City. The event – none other than the World Cup itself. No.10, after many a hesitation, for the fear any man will feel in the face of unlimited power, finally finds the courage to employ this most deadly of fatalities. To this day the mushroom cloud of shock, outrage, and the spine-petrifying effect of the sheer cold-cocky-ness of the act as yet to subside. No.10 laid the entire great nation of England to waste. In the stirring that surfaced, a terrified world moved microphones to trembling lips and marveled at this great harbinger of darkness. What? How? From where came this fearsome technique?
"Un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios"
Translated. "A little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God"
The ‘Hand of God’ aka H.O.G was born.





..................concluding part in F-FACTOR Magazine edition 4

F-FACTOR MAGAZINE 4TH EDITION......coming soon !!!!

WASH OUT...!!!! oops, i mean, WATCH OUT !!!

Law Makers, Money Choppers, Born Fighters by IBK

Guy, how far now?

I’m good o, you nko?

All correct, no long thing. Wetin u dey do wey u serious like this?

I’m trying to make a list of possible godfathers and things I need to become a politician.

Godfather? Politics? Thought you wanted to be a doctor, an accountant or some other respectable professional.

My guy, I now want to be a politician.

But why na? You just finish secondary school, you no wan go university go study?

Exactly, I don’t need a university degree to become a law maker or even the president of this nation. With this my secondary school certificate, I will rule over graduates. Don’t you know politicians especially those that make laws, do nothing and earn millions of Naira? So why slave away as a doctor or an accountant? When as a law maker I will earn basic salary of about N2.48 million, N1.24 million as hardship allowance, N4.97 million as furniture allowance, newspaper allowance of N1.24 million, and many other allowances like that. In short my guy, I will get like N300 million as salary per annum.

Hmm, that’s true o. ok, so wetin be the things you need to do?

Well, one, I need a god father, who has embezzled enough money to finance my campaign. Two, I need to learn how to box or better still, learn how to fight Kun-fu, tear clothes, race to carry the mace and drag people out of the chamber because of the fights that break out every now and then. Then, three, I need a whistle to blow whenever I want to disturb a session and a tear gas canister to spray into any eye that challenges me.

Hmm, seems you have done your home work. But politicians are generally regarded as been corrupt.

I don’t disagree. But you no know say corruption is an Art in this nation, the more corrupt you are, the more attractive you are to people who need you.

Guy, there is an anti graft agency to check and arrest corrupt people o.

Leave that thing, na today? Abeg leave story, everybody that is somebody in this nation has a file in the agency, but as long as you are in bed with the ruling government your file stays in the vault till when you fall out of favour with the ruling government.

You will be setting a bad example for your son o.

Nah, I will name my son “Goodluck” and ensure he is a running mate to a governor and afterwards when the governor goes to jail, he rules in his place. Then next he will be running mate to the president, and going by precedent, he will become the No. 1 man with no votes cast.

Seems you have it all thought out. But as your very own person, where I go feature for your plan?

That one no be problem, you will be in the background managing the many, many companies I will be using to move money into my pocket. Infact, you will even help me use N9 billion to buy jeeps and flat screen televisions for my babes once I become the No. 4 man in government.

What if people oppose you?

That’s easy too, I will be the judge and jury in any of the cases against me and get them suspended for the session.

Correct, you be the man jo, I’m with you all the way.

Good, let’s go thereeeeeeeee………………..!!!

IMPLICATION remix

As they kolonbi our Eagles
As they faasi Enyeama
As they disobey Largerback
We come dey get plenty wahala
As they dribble Kaita
As Yakubu commit the disaster
Just because Kanu dey there,
He follow enter the yawa..
Olele olele o ti dabaru olele...

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.......full version

Once bitten, twice shy..........u give my friend nodding, while the door was ajar....!!!!

Football, Boys and me by Duvy

I lay spread on the sofa and struggled hard to pay keen interest to the TV Screen.{You see I had recently concluded one of those books about "rules and tips on how to keep your man"}. One of the suggestions was knowledge of football.
It was the match between Nigeria and Argentina.
My Fiancé’s friends were seated around the sitting room feasting on spiced meat and helping themselves to some cans of beer.
At every gasp they let out, I would ask a question hoping to make an impression on the boys as to how much I knew about football. It was of course no success.
Comments "like shoot now," "which kain yakubu be dis?" "Oooh, na off side again? "kai, dis messi sef!" were directed at the TV Screen. While comments like, "is there more beer dear?" "Can we have some more meat?" were directed at me.
I sometimes admire girls like Tega (that presents sports programs) who have an eye for Football and I think to myself: Is there some genetic makeup which I lack? Or do they spend time on the internet googling all they need to know about football? and If so, where on earth do I start from?
I suppose boys and girls are differently wired, even the ad of Heineken says it all.

My lesson: Trying to feel among may land you in trouble, Carve a niche for yourself and lead a class of your own.
Action point: Read more on football..... lol

F-Factor Magazine can be gotten from the following places
1. the Hub , The Palms shopping mall, Lekki- Lagos
2. Silver Bird life style store, Silver Bird Galleria, V/Island
3. Pharm Affairs, Ojota/ Ogudu road, Ogudu
4. All Finicky eatery centers.
5. White wood pharmacy, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos
6. Domino supermarket, Ozone cinema, E Center, commercial avenue, Yaba, Lagos.
7. De cafe, beside yem yem super market, Unilag shopping complex, Lagos
8. Students in Unilag Campus U.I campus and Unaab Campus.
9. Janio Books, Fabricare Plaza,G close, 22 road, opposite texaco petrol station festac town, Lagos
10. Adorn Pharmacy, between B close and C close, 22rd Festac Town, Lagos.